“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” — Ronald Reagan

Last week I ended on the theme of the four Advent Sundays: hope, peace, joy, and love. All four themes are related, of course. Today I want to look into peace and love, and the resulting joy.

For many people from Europe, North America and Bermuda, peace has become an even more important topic over the last years as we see and hear daily about violence and war in the news.

The war against Ukraine is in its third winter, Gaza has been under heavy attacks after the terrorist attacks of October 7 last year, and the list of conflicts in the world goes on. However, peace is not just the absence of war and definitely not the absence of conflict. Peace is much more.

The biblical Hebrew word for peace, “shalom”, and its derived Arab equivalent, “salaam”, are referring to a whole state of mind. The root of the word can be used to express a successful and fair business transaction and for something that is whole and complete.

Wikipedia says about shalom: “In the Bible, shalom means universal flourishing, wholeness and delight – a rich state of affairs in which natural needs are satisfied and natural gifts fruitfully employed, a state of affairs that inspires joyful wonder as its Creator and Savior opens doors and welcomes the creatures in whom he delights.

So how can peace be achieved in a world of conflict? When I look at the biblical meaning of shalom and its use, I am convinced peace begins within, in our own hearts, our mind and soul. How can we find peace within, a state where we personally feel content, whole, and happy? To be content is in a way foreign to our culture, though. In our commercialised world the mindset is: more is better. We want growth. We work hard to achieve our goals. We collect possessions and riches.

It is interesting that in the UN Happiness Report 2024 (based entirely on self-reported perceptions of satisfaction), people in Scandinavian countries, who probably have the highest tax rates in the world, are the happiest, while net-income strong countries are found much farther down the list.

It might have to do with the fact that Finland, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, and Denmark use much of the tax income to finance social programmes, from extended parental leave with financial security, to affordable first-class healthcare, community centres, performing and visual arts that are accessible to all, as well as placing a high value on outdoor activities and nature. People have the feeling that their needs are actually taken care of, and that frees the mind to find contentment and inner peace.

While competition might be good for business, it is not always good for our wellbeing. When we compare our own situation constantly with others, it is easy to overlook the blessings and only see the deficits in that comparison which leads to discontentment and envy.

Twice in the Ten Commandments it says: “You shall not covet…” — neither the possessions of your neighbour, nor his or her relationships. The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Timothy 6:6-9 (New Revised Standard Version): “Of course, there is great gain in godliness combined with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it; but if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these. But those who want to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.”

It is all about relationships, in which the needs of all are taken care of. So yes, we have to begin with learning to love ourselves for who we are. We have to learn to appreciate and value our uniqueness, including our story of where we come from, our body, mind and soul including our alleged deficits, even our pains and hurts, our family and people, and our ethnicity. We have to look at what we actually have achieved already and which obstacles we have overcome. Only then can we begin to “love our neighbour as ourselves”.

I was once asked by a friend: “How can Christians say we should love everybody? Who can do that? There are people I just don’t like.” And that is true. There are many people whom I might not “like” either.

We tend to like those who are like us, people who have similar opinions, values, and perhaps even look more like us. It is the familiar and non-threatening that is easiest to embrace. But love is so much more and different from “like”.

Unfortunately, most Christians actually have difficulties living up to those standards, which led Mahatma Gandhi to say that if Christians acted more like Christ, everybody would want to be Christian.

Rick Warren calls people who are difficult to love “EGRs”, standing for: extra grace required. This kind of love is not about the romantic love between just two people, but love in the sense of taking care of their needs, which means for example feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and giving shelter to the homeless. Thus, let us replace worry with hope, so that we can see things in a new light and then can act in a new way.

Then we can begin building bridges of peace to others. Another name for the Pope has been Pontiff (from the Latin pontifex, meaning bridge builder), a title he took over from the antique priests in Rome.

Trust that the bridge will carry the weight, and that the “evil enemy” on the other side of the divide might want to live with his family in peace as well.Thus peace is about faith and trust, not defensiveness. When such peace is found there is hope, joy, and love.

“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” - Mahatma Gandhi

• Karsten Decker is a German theologian with a double degree equivalent to an MTheol and MDiv. He studied in Marburg (Germany), Knoxville (USA), and Toronto (Canada) and comes from a united church of Lutheran and Reformed Churches. He was the pastor of Peace Lutheran Church in Bermuda from 2010 to 2017, and after returning from Germany is now the temporary pulpit supply at Centenary Untied Methodist Church in Smith’s. He and Diana (MSSW), his wife of 37 years, have the counselling practice Integrated Family Counselling Ltd in Hamilton, focusing on relationship issues