Gary Paterson once desperately prayed for God to cure his homosexuality.

The Moderator of the United Church of Canada even married a woman.

They were together for ten years and had three children before they divorced in 1982.

“I always knew I was different,” said Rt Rev Paterson, who visited Bermuda this week from Vancouver. “In the beginning I defined myself as bisexual.”

Then at 30 he couldn’t repress his sexuality anymore, and came out to his family.

“I was terrified when I told my father,” he said. “He was an army sergeant. He looked at me with puzzlement, and then he said, ‘I do not understand and I am not comfortable with it, but you are my son and I love you’. Then he hugged me. He was the sort of person that didn’t hug others frequently. It was a wonderful gesture.”

The 65-year-old is in Bermuda this week to visit churches in union with the United Church of Canada — Wesley Methodist Church, Emmanuel Methodist Church and Ebenezer Methodist Church.

He also took the opportunity for some rest and recreation with his spouse, Tim Stevenson.

Rev Paterson doesn’t believe that homosexuality is a choice. Nor does he believe that Jesus thought homosexuality was a sin.

To those Christians who insist that the Bible explicitly forbids homosexuality, he points out that Leviticus 11:12 forbids eating shellfish and Leviticus 24:14 recommends stoning people who curse.

“There are verses in the New Testament against it, but not a single word from Jesus on homosexuality,” he said. “There are several verses where Jesus is very clear about the impossibility of divorce and remarriage. There is no way around it. I have talked to some fundamentalist churches about this and they say, Jesus didn’t really mean it. So they are using an interpretation when it concerns an issue dear to their heart but are not willing to do an interpretation when it comes to homosexuality.”

Several reports have “found that sexual orientation is fixed by two or three years old”, he added.

Rev Paterson always felt a calling to God and became an ordained minister in 1977.

He met Rev Stevenson shortly after his divorce. “He came into the church because he felt called to be a minister,” Rev Paterson said. “He became the first person who was openly gay to be ordained in our church. We struck up a friendship and will celebrate our 33rd anniversary in June. We were together long before you could get your marriage blessed. So we made our own private commitment with friends. Then it was still not legal in Canada but the church agreed to recognise it.

“We had a full church service with all family and members of the congregation. Then eventually the government changed the laws in 2005 and we had a very simple ceremony in our house to make it legal. The church was very supportive.”

Rev Paterson believes that the same morals that the church applies to heterosexual couples apply to homosexual couples.

“I am talking about two adults who recognise they have same-sex attraction and choose to be together in a relationship,” he said. “I am upset by promiscuous behaviour whether it be homosexual or heterosexual, not just out of moral finger shaking.

“If you are moving from one partner to another sexually, I think you damage your capacity to love and bond. Gay marriage for me demands exactly the same as a straight marriage — vows, monogamy, lifetime commitments and so forth.”

He’s worked in various communities in Canada during his career. He particularly loved working in youth ministries.

“The exciting thing for me was when I was elected as Moderator in 2012 it was a non-issue,” he said. “Outside, the press tried to make an issue of it. Other church denominations were a little cautious, but the United Church people said ‘gay’ is just one of many adjectives that describe this person. It felt quite liberating.

“I am not trying to grind an axe, but it is who I am and I recognise that there are places in the world where people are wrestling with questions of sexual orientation. It is still punishable by death in about seven countries. If I can be helpful, that is all for the good.”

He’s since worked to help the church come to terms with the changing times and falling membership.

Some reports show that the United Church of Canada has lost roughly 500,000 members since 1965 — about half its congregation.

“I have been travelling the country and the world encouraging people to see that real change is upon us and to be of good cheer,” he said.

Rev Paterson has also written a report suggesting ways that the church can grow with the changing times. It will be debated by the United Church of Canada this summer.

Some have blamed the falling membership on its liberal stance towards homosexuality. Rev Paterson said this is a red herring.

“It is the same pattern that is happening with every middle-of-the-road denomination,” he said. “I talk to Anglican friends and Presbyterian friends and they say that their churches never did include gay or lesbian people, and have avoided the debate, and they are experiencing exactly the same struggles. I have also discovered that many evangelical churches are experiencing the same decline.”

Rev Paterson said in many ways his sexual orientation has turned out to be a tremendous advantage.

“It has helped me to identify with people who are marginalised or feel on the outside of society,” he said.

• Visit www.garypaterson.ca.